Introduction
Is there an “ultimate” success? Many people spend their entire lives believing that attaining a specific position, a CEO chair, a medical degree, or a “dream life” would forever rid them of feelings of inadequacy. They assume that if they just reach that next milestone, they will finally arrive at a state of permanent self-worth. History, however, tells us otherwise: success is fleeting, and the ego is perpetually hungry.
The Mechanism of Dependency
Consider the example of top-tier athletes. Many retired boxers feel compelled to re-enter the ring, not for the money, but to resurrect that former surge of pride that came through defeating an opponent and basking in public adoration. When success becomes “routine,” it ceases to feed the ego.
Even Presidents of the United States, people at the very pinnacle of power, have admitted in their memoirs that they often suffered from gnawing insecurity and self-doubt, regardless of their monumental achievements. Richard Nixon, on the night of his landslide 1972 re-election, famously described feeling no pleasure or excitement. After four years in the highest office, the position itself had ceased to be a reliable source of self-validation.
[CLINICAL INSIGHT]
- Key Point #2: When self-esteem is based on accomplishments, it must be earned repeatedly. It is never permanent.
This creates a vicious cycle, a psychological treadmill where we must constantly run just to maintain that temporary glow of worth. The path to stability is not to run faster; it is to stop rating our own value based on passing results.
Next Steps
Freeing yourself from the dependency on self-esteem is the first step toward lasting contentment.
- Continue your journey toward emotional stability: In our next article, we explore the “Jehovah Complex” and why pride is often just the flip side of self-damnation.
- For a comprehensive academic overview: Visit the full archives of Dr. Mike Abrams’ research on REBT for Sexual Problems at psychology.ws